Dine and Dash
by ShelbyElizabeth
Summary: Written for NFA Under Covers... Again Challenge. Abby drags Tim on a close-to-home undercover mission to find out what's really up with a restaurant. Crack!fic: do not take this fic seriously, it is not meant to be taken that way.


A/N: This is a crack!fic. That means that this is in no way, shape, or form supposed to be an actual possibility for something on the show. _It would never, never, never happen_; you have been warned.

Dine and Dash

Abby rushed into the squad room with a panicked look on her face. She stopped abruptly at Tim's desk, yanking him to his feet and pulling him to the elevator without a word. Tim had seen her like this before; he wondered what had her worked into a frenzy this time. "Abby, where are we going?" he asked.

"There's an emergency," she shot Tim a look of urgency, "I was in my lab earlier," she explained, leading him to her car, "And Jimmy came in and told me that Ducky told him that Ziva told him that Tony told her that Jenny told him that there's a new diner down the street, and that it supposedly has the best coffee and sandwiches in D.C., but I know for a fact that the best coffee and sandwiches in D.C. are at El Restaurante Rojo on the other side of the Capitol Building!"

They got into the car. Abby was breathing heavily thanks to her rant, and Tim's brain was aching from the list of people who had heard this information before him. "So why are we going there?" he was confused.

Abby sped out of the parking lot. The tires squealed from the acceleration. "We're going because they're claiming to be the best, but there's no way that they are! They're lying, and that's illegal. Well, it's not illegal here, but it is in Abbyville!" she was becoming hysterical.

"Abby, calm down, please," Tim was really getting freaked out by how she was speaking.

"I can't calm down when there is justice to be served Timmy!" she yelled.

She jerked the steering wheel to the right, and almost hit another vehicle. They were at the restaurant. They got out of the car; Tim swayed from side to side, feeling a little carsick. They observed the diner from their respective sides.

It was kind of run down looking and had a big neon sign out front that read 'L.J.'s Diner.' In one's of the grimy windows was a shabby looking sign declaring L.J.'s Diner the site of the best coffee and sandwiches in D.C.

"Despicable," Abby spit the word out like poison and rushed over to Tim on the other side of the car, "Now, we need a plan to infiltrate. What's our cover story?" her eyes shone with excitement.

"I know," Tim said sarcastically, "Let's pose as customers, order something, eat it, and see if it really is the best."

The Goth looked to the side, as if considering his words. She turned back to him, eyes wide and a huge smile on her face. "It's perfect Timmy. It's so sneaky that they won't even know what's coming!"

Tim rolled his eyes as she grasped his hand and pulled him towards the establishment. He stared down at the rust coated door handles in disgust. "I'm going to need a tetanus shot after this," he muttered to the overexcited girl to his side.

Abby ignored him and shoved the door open. The restaurant was empty except for a tired looking waitress that was stacking menus on the counter. "Hi there," she said in a southern drawl, "Take a seat wherever you like."

She followed them to their seats and passed them each a menu. "Can I start you off with anything to drink?"

Abby was scanning the menu, so Tim ordered for them. "Two coffees please, both with cream and sugar," he smiled up at her.

She was a fairly pretty redhead that seemed thrilled that anyone was there; she was probably sick of spending quality time with the cook. "We don't have cream or sugar," she said apologetically.

"Fine, fine," Abby said impatiently, looking up from her scrutiny of the sandwich list, "Black is fine."

While the waitress fetched their coffee, Abby decided on the Veggie sandwich. "Are you sure you don't want any meat Abs?"

"Of course Tim; you can tell a lot about a place by the quality of its vegetables," she replied in an exasperated voice.

The waitress set two mugs down on the table and pulled a small pad of paper out of the pocket of her apron. "Are you ready to order?" she asked politely.

Abby gave her order and Tim quickly selected the first thing that he saw on the menu. "The Roast Beef sandwich please."

"Coming right up," the woman collected the menus and returned them to the stack on the counter.

She yelled the order back to the cook and set about doing busy work. Tim took a sip of the coffee and made a face. "Abs, this is disgusting," he gestured to the drink.

Abby tried hers as well, spitting the hot liquid back into the cup. "It's gross alright," she agreed, "I knew there was no way that this place was better than El Restaurante Rojo."

They sat in silence until their sandwiches arrived. "Is there anything else that I can get you?"

"Two waters," Abby glared at the waitress, as if it were her fault that the coffee was terrible.

They each took a cautious bite into their food. It wasn't nearly as bad as the coffee, but it still was not good. Abby pushed the plate away from her and stood up, turning on the waitress. "Alright, what exactly is the meaning of this? You claim that you have 'the best' coffee and sandwiches in D.C., but this is all nasty! How can advertise that way?" she was almost yelling.

The waitress was shocked; her first ever customers were turning on her. "I'm not the one who does the advertising. If you don't like it, then you need to take it up with my boss."

"I want a name and a phone number for this boss of yours," Abby was genuinely angry.

Tim sat back, noticing the man who had just entered the room. "No need Abs, I'm here," he took a long dreg of coffee.

"Gibbs! You own this place?" Abby had not seen that coming.

"Yep. Is there an issue with the nourishment I serve?" Gibbs smirked.

Abby stormed out of the restaurant in embarrassment. Tim tossed some money on the table and followed her out, feeling Gibbs' eyes on the back of his head the entire time.

He came up behind Abby. "I'd call that a successful mission," he joked.

"Timmy," she turned and looked him straight in the eyes, "Shut up!"


End file.
